Communicate. Get talking. I shake my head every time I see people trying to avoid communication even though they are on a dating site. How does that work?! The fastest way of knowing someone is by spending time with them and observing their values. I will say though that, it is foolish to rush to go meet someone you just met on the Internet without first getting to know them from afar a bit. If as a lady, a guy asks for your phone number, you have nothing to lose by giving it. Just make sure it is your mobile phone number. I don’t recommend giving your home phone number to a stranger because it can tell them where you live, and you don’t want to do that just yet. Mobile phone numbers does not say much, except that you got it from a particular state or province. You can live in Texas and have a mobile phone number from Kentucky; or live in Ontario and have a mobile phone number from Alberta, and so on. It takes a lot to pin point your location using your mobile phone signals, unless you are one of those people asking your apps to trace you and tell people where you are and what you are doing. In that case, you have no reason to want to hide, right? You are already broadcasting your location and activities anyway. In any case, it is safer to give out your mobile phone number than your home phone number.
Talk with this person as often and as long as possible, but listen and listen hard. Don’t get carried away with telling the story of your life and listening to his, to the point that you are not really listening to him/her. You will be amazed at how much people give away about themselves in conversations without realizing it. But if you are not really listening, you will miss out on these very vital clues. So, when you listen, “listen between the lines”. As soon as you have gathered enough clues about this person to be able to make initial determination, decide what you want to do. Do you want to take it further or you want to cut them off. If they are not the kind of people you want in your life, let them know that you are not into them, and cut them off. If they call, ignore. Most people with self respect will stop calling if you ignore their calls a few times. If they don’t, they just confirmed your suspicion about their personality. The good thing is, no one is able to do you any harm through the phone. We all receive junk calls from marketers and all we do is ignore them, right?
If you feel you are talking to the “right person”, and you want to take it up a notch, then arrange a video chat, if possible. There are quite a few of them out there these days. Skype and most web based email clients will let you video chat for free. The purpose of this is to confirm, and to build on what you have learned so far about this person. See about using video chat a few times before the physical meeting. You will be surprised what you can learn about this person through their appearance and surrounding. For instance, this person sounds really nice when you were on the phone with them, and even now on video chat, but there is a picture frame in the background that says, “I am a proud Satanist”. It is up to you to decide whether a Satanist is your idea of a future partner or not. If it is not working for you, call it off.
If you are still feeling this person, arrange a meet. It may sound redundant, but please don’t go to their house or bring them to yours, unless you are absolutely sure it is what you want to do. It should not be a surprise that you end up sleeping with each other over the weekend. It is natural. Please don’t complain about it afterwards because you saw it coming. You are both grown adults and you were not raped. If the relationship fails after the sex session, be mature and deal with it. You simply could have avoided it by not spending the night at his or her place. A meeting at an open place like a restaurant or movie theatre is better. Going to each other’s place is a step you should only take after you are convinced it is what you want to do, because you know what it might lead to.
If you have noticed something you don’t like about this person; which does not agree with you or gives you the jitters, don’t downplay it. Don’t think you can change a grown person. You are not God. A lot of people have made this mistake and paid dearly for it. If it is not right now, it will not get any better later. If he is already a chain smoker and you don’t like to be with one, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can make him stop. If he is already a drinker, he may even become a harder drinker down the road. So, don’t start it if you cannot finish it.
Finally, don’t take out your vendetta with your last date on a new person. If you allow yourself to be blinded by the bitterness of a past relationship, you are going to mess up the present and be at a disadvantage with the future. It may not sound like it, but there are still well intentioned men and women out there. If you get aggressive with your new partner and continuously compare them with the last person, you might bring out the worst in them. That is your fault, not theirs. Give everyone the benefit of doubt and let them prove themselves for who they really are.
I recently met a lady friend here. Her attitude is, she is looking for a friend. She erroneously believes there are no more good men out there, but she is willing to settle for good friendship. Not a bad start, if you ask me. What is the worst that can happen? If she meets a friend who eventually has what it takes to become a husband, great. If she doesn’t, her hopes are not dashed. Either way, she wins. That, if you ask me is the right attitude. All the best, friends…Happy dating.
I am not a member of the board of MN and I do not know any of them. I am just another member here and this piece is nothing but my opinion.