The title of this ebook Attracting Mr right, becoming Mrs right came to me by a question that was sparked by a young mentee some time ago; 'how do I know he is the right man for me?' This book is also a quest to answer my own personal questions about why some women attract great men and are in nurturing relationships and others end up in abusive relationships.
I wanted to establish if this was a matter of fate of if we had a choice. I started my research with a survey given to good quality men; 60% were happily married, the other 40% were eligible single men. I share the results of my findings in chapter one.
The outline of the book is as follows:
Chapter one: Decoding the survey
Chapter two: You attract your kind
Chapter three: Discovering the real you
Chapter four: Unveiling the real you
Chapter five: Attracting Mr. Right
Epilogue: Happy now and ever after
I take the reader through a journey of self-discovery to enable them unveil their authentic self so that they can attract the man that is right for them. I also address internal and external factors that they need to work on to make themselves more desirable.
I also provide them practical tips and exercises that would enable them manifest and meet Mr. Right. Ultimately I let them know that they are responsible for their own happiness and Mr. Right is just a compliment to an already whole woman-Mrs. Right.
What do men really want in a wife? This is what I discovered!
I decided to go on a quest to find out what men really want in a wife because I am a bit of a control freak! Yes I admit it. I like to be able to predict outcomes and know what I need to do to make things happen. However this quest is not sincerely about me, but about my wonderful friends, sisters and colleagues who are wondering why they havenâ€™t met or attracted Mr. Right or why their Mr. right not does not want to put a ring on it.
I say itâ€™s not about me also because I have been down an altar and back and I have a wonderful Son to show for it. Donâ€™t ask me what happened; remember it is not about me! Maybe I would share that another time, but back to the subjectâ€¦..
I have heard it bandied around that men are different in the 21st century. Women have given themselves a sense of confidence that they can finally become the highflying super ambitious career or business women they seek to become and their men would finally understand. Statistics show that women are now beginning to earn more than men and get better education than their male counterparts, this is shifting the financial responsibility in a lot of homes, but has it changed what good quality men want and expect from their women?
When I decided to do the survey for this book, I had a few assumptions in my head based on what I was beginning to hear from my sisters and girlfriends. Some popular ones are:
1. Men are looking for women who earn a lot of money to marry.
2. Who your father is or how much money your family has would influence a man's decision to marry you.
3. Being a home maker is no longer that important, we have to do it together. I was hoping to validate the above points with my survey. Now I have to admit that my survey was restricted to African men in Nigeria and the diaspora.
So this might have made the results quite biased. I did not have access to neither did I seek access to other ethnicities because I think most of the readers would be more interested in knowing what the black brothers were thinking. I surveyed men between the ages of 21 and 50, but 80% of the responses came from men between 31 and 40. These men are professional men who have a thriving career or business. 60 percent of them were married and 40 percent were single. I wanted a balance of both married and single men so we could have opinions from both sides. I was not concerned about religious beliefs, I was more focused on the quality of men they are based on their past track record and current accomplishment. Now that I have given some background information, let's get to the results.
Question 1. What is the first thing you notice when you meet/see a woman?
Answer: 75%- her overall appearance 25%-her smile
Comment: I Included specific body parts that we have been told are 'important' to men, but they did not select them. Or were they lying?
Question 2. What makes/made you decide to see a woman again?
Answer: 87.5%-I enjoyed the conversation we had
12.5%-how beautiful she looked
Other answer option was: how good she made me feel.
Comment: the answer to this question actually surprised me. I thought how you made a man feel would be the key reason why he would want to see you again!
Question 3. What made/makes you decide that she is your wife?
Pre-answer comment: this was a question that had weights assigned to various points because I knew the decision would not be based on one reason alone. All questions had the highest weight of 7 and lowest weight of 1. The answers are the average of all the survey participants.
Answer: she gets along with my family and friends- 5.38/7
She is a good cook and home maker- 5.75/7
She supports me and gives me peace-4.5/7
She is a very beautiful woman-4/7
You have been dating her for a long time-3.2/7
She comes from a rich home or makes a lot of money-2.5/7
You feel led by God that she is the one-2.6/7
Comment: sincerely, one comment would not suffice to express my opinions about these results, so here are my multiple comments:
1. 21st century men don't seem to have changed much from their 20th century counterparts. They see to still want a hot meal and a clean home!
2. Men like to get the approval of their family and friends. That act of he loves me and that's all that matters might not be true for all. He might want his parents and siblings to also approve of you before you get the ring!
3. Looks still and will always matter to men. Yes we 21st century women don't want to only be seen as arm candies, but honey boo still wants his friends to compliment his ladies looks.
4. Dating a man for a long time is not a guarantee that he would put a ring on it o! We need to know when to draw the line and give the gift of goodbye.
5. Your money might not be as important as you think. This is a relief for me personally because, honey I can support, but I am not about to become a breadwinner! Finally, are men not spiritual these days? I was surprised that not many of them were 'feeling' my being led question. Lol! So I asked another man about this, and he said; because most men feel they are able to control the choice of who they marry without the influence of a higher power. So back to the purpose of the survey, what do men really want in a wife? My summary is; 3C's; care, comfort and cuteness! That's me just being cheesy. Seriously though, men still want wives who will be their helpmates and probably their soulmates.