Walking away always seem difficult

vnancy micheal
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Then, I would never have believed that five years after we split I would still think of him. The hero in me is always surprised to rediscover this fact: That a person can truly be broken. Forever. There is no “It was for the best” here; no hard earned wisdom that I am glad I came by. Our split was simply a complete and utter destruction of my person. Life can be that way. Eventually you have to move on; Life, again, compels you. And, after all, I wanted to be happy again. So, you pick up what’s left, reinvent what isn’t and go on. 

I think the specter of our breakup has changed me far more than our
relationship. Away from the warm glow of naivete, the memories of us seem trite. It is true that only we assign meaning to our experiences. On paper they mean nothing. We hung out with friends. Mostly, we had no fear. We talked about ourselves, our dreams, our childhoods, our parents. Each discussion was a wonderful opening, with no fear of what we might discover or lose. Every fact, every feeling shared was a precious thing to be cherished and savored. Our universe did not understand the possibility of loss.

Eventually, there was another. There always is in these stories. She took him away with a kiss. To explain the complete and utter vacancy of the following months would be difficult. At least there were tangible side effects: the loss of 25 pounds, the withdrawal, the tears, and tears, and tears. To this day I have not replenished them. Only after I rebuilt myself did he want me back. But the me that had been was lost.

It is more than five years later. The person he missed hasn’t returned. I don’t think she will. I look for her sometimes, in boxes of old things, but she is never there. The net is my place now. It is small consolation for a lost self. I know now that our relationship was far from perfect. I know what he has done with his life, and what I have done with mine, and logically, I understand them to be incompatible. What I really miss is the me that didn’t consider such things.

I see him in dreams sometimes. We approach, we talk; we are never lovers. In my dreams we travel asymptotic paths; never crossing, almost touching, our current lives the tiny infinite gap between us. I like my life now. It makes me happy. But above all, I can never forgive him. It’s not that he was perfect. It’s not that we were perfect. It’s simply that he was my Everything, and he chose to leave.




Is always painful. But we should learn to forgive.
Posted by comfort22y on May 19 2014 @16:54
No matter what as happened in ur relationship don't give up d race always trust on God he will never dissappoint u according to his word n he will see u tru Amen.
Posted by tommies on Apr 29 2013 @02:11
The opening statement was a mind bugging to me; why would she call herself a HERO? I totally disagree with her discovery...it's true one can be broken but not forever, perhaps for a short period of time and after soul searching and evaluation of your relationship [like losing 25 Lbs] , you should be able to forgive and move on with your life. The bottom line is walking away from any long time relationship is always difficult but staying in an unwanted relationship is hell since you know that both of you are not compatible. Remember one thing...there is always a person of reach one of us, if its meant to be it will be. Cheers!!!!!
Posted by babamighty on Apr 15 2013 @06:31
Nice write up. Well av come to believe that in life, people come and people go. W meet people to leave them someday. And we leave dem so we can meet oda people.
Posted by sweety05 on Mar 24 2013 @12:32
Feel the exact same way except that I have chosen to forgive
Posted by Tee on Mar 12 2013 @21:16
I am a leaving witness of such circumstances...the best solution to this is for you to try and leave again..if not functions in other relationship will be very difficult...good luck..
Posted by Mart on Feb 24 2013 @08:02
You guys can still work things out
Posted by tolue42 on Feb 21 2013 @13:34
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