Women emancipation has come a long way. For so long, women
have been unfairly treated in almost every way and manner. They could not vote
in most places; they could not be seen in public places or heard in public
places; there were/are all sorts of taboos governing their role in the society.
Most of the underhand deals women have been served were culturally determined.
There are cultures where when a man dies, the wife is taken through hell, as if she killed him. She has to be kept in solitude for x number of days; she has to eat with her bare, unwashed hands and she must not wash them after eating; she must have her hair shaven; she must sit on bare floor and must not shower during the mourning period.
In some other cultures, she is no better than an item in the house. If her husband’s friend comes to visit, she will be chosen among the other wives to be the one to warm the visitor’s bed during his stay. And you know what? She is supposed to be proud to be the chosen one for this assignment, and the other women in the arrangement are supposed to be envious of her. Don’t be surprised indeed if they are envious of her.
How about cultures where it is the woman who pays dowry on the man? Or where a man can be simultaneously married to several women? Or she is reduced to the kitchen and nothing more for as long as she lives? Or where all she is good for is to produce children and massage a man’s loins?
Culture is the totality of a people’s way of life. It is what they are used to and is neither right nor wrong. A key measure is “acceptance”. If the affected people accept it, imbibe it, live with it and live by it. It becomes their culture and no one is allowed to eulogize or denigrate them upon that behalf.
We are in 2013 now and looking back with the benefit of hindsight, we are able to say some of these practices were horrifying because we have been able to move away from them. However, it is my opinion that women are still not totally emancipated and the strongest opponents of total emancipation for women are women. They are the ones who keep the unfair cultures and practices alive. It often appears to me like they desire to eat their cake and still have it.
Speaking for myself, I would say that most of the mores and traditions that held women captive over the eons were designed by a few men sitting under the tree and sipping wine. It is the same way they are deciding for women now on how to treat their bodies. Otherwise, why would men be taking the lead on the decision whether abortion should be banned or not? How are they directly affected by this decision? A number of them sit around in legislative chambers, drinking coffee and making decisions that permanently impact the bodies and lives of women they do not know, or may never know. If you ask me, men should be left out of the abortion decision unless they are responsible for the pregnancy in some way, shape or form. Such decisions should be of local consequences, as in, it is affecting them and their daughter, wife or ward; certainly not making laws on the subject!
Most men are naturally, physically stronger than women but categorically, it is not possible for men to impose laws or cultural practices on women without their consent. Those cultures described above, where women are subjected to all sorts of treatment at the death of their spouse, it is the women there who keep the practice alive by enforcing and protecting it. Women are a strange lot, I know, right? Who leaves their home, spend hours at the mall, looking around for something they don’t need and may not even buy? Or who goes to the beauty parlor to spend hours under the dryer, paint their legs (sorry, nails) and faces to impress a gender that were by a large majority, not wired to even notice it?
There are tons of desirable qualities in women, and God made them that way for a reason. It would be an odd world in which men and women are wired the same way. Not sure I want to live in that world. There are a lot of things they wish they could change about men and the way they reason. They are still trying, but men are either not giving in or learning how to pretend to be giving in. However, when it comes to the topic of lack of total emancipation, I think one of the last vestiges of it is in the area of ability or freedom to make the first move when or if they see a man that catches their fancy.
Again, a few men (not women) sat under the tree, drinking wine and decided for their own selfish reasons that it was not right for the woman to go after the man. She must bottle her feelings as if she is not human, and wait for him to come to her first. If he doesn’t, then she must live with it. As for the man, he is at liberty to go after any woman he considers a catch. You’d think this is 2013, and no woman is going to be arrested for asking a man out. True, but how many of them do? Not a whole lot. Reason? A few men sat under the tree, drinking wine…you know where this is going.
Another reason is that women cannot stand rejection. What if I ask him out and he says no, then what? The end of the world? I don’t think so. For centuries, men have killed themselves fighting for the love of women. They have been rejected so much so frequently, that rejection is almost in their DNA. Rejection is not easy on anyone but the ability to take it in stride is the price the men have paid over time for the freedom to take the lead. It is what gives them the right to the controls in a relationship. Let’s face it. It is a lot easier to sit back and have the other gender chase after you, woo you and all that. It gives the impression that you decide where the relationship (if it ever becomes that) is heading. But in reality, this is far from the truth because in the final analysis, the person who is able to do the chasing trumps the person who can only wait to be reached unto. What happens if no one reaches out? Suck it up and live with it?
Any serious attempt to create a fair balance for the women in the area of relationships, in this day and age, must start with women overcoming the age-long rule that demands they keep still and quiet; bury their emotion until they are approached. They must throw away the perceived comfort of being at the receiving end, and take the lead. We are different people who do not have similar tastes in some or most respects. Therefore if a man turns you down, shake it off and move on to the next. That is what men do, and in this age of so called equality, women cannot afford to do otherwise.
