Much Ado About Relationships Part Three
But what kind of person are you looking for and what kind of person are you? Every woman wants a good man, who will treat her like a queen; be there for her; not cheat on her; not just love her, but also show it; a family minded man and so on. If you read all the profiles on dating sites, that will be the summary. However, the question is, who are you? Galatians 6:7 says you will get back what you invest. Everyone wants a good thing, but we should also know that good things don’t come to us just because we want them. We prepare ourselves for them and work for them. Decent people are still around, both men and women, but to get them takes more than wishful thoughts. You need to work on your person to conform more to God’s vision of who you should be. You want a God fearing spouse, but you are less than that yourself. Let us be realistic, isn’t it robbery and unfair if you indeed find such a person? If you search deep down in your heart of hearts, you know you are not who you should be and therefore does not merit what you are looking for. So, why don’t you do something about it? The point is we are so lazy we do not want to pay the price to get whatever good thing we desire. Good things come at a price! A student who wants to be on top of the class knows they shouldn’t be too friendly with the television or parties. They want to spend more time with their studies. Is it easier to go around having fun? Yes. The athlete who wants to win the race must watch what they eat. They don’t stuff themselves with ice creams and fast foods and all sorts of junks no matter how delicious they may be. Do they like to abstain from these foods by themselves? Not necessarily. It is the price they have to pay to get what they want.
Why then do we think we can pick good partners just like that? I know a number of ladies that are not friendly one bit. They rarely smile at anyone, but they want friends. How is that going to happen? I have discovered that smiles are like seeds. You give them out, and you often get them back. It is a gesture of goodwill, even when it is not genuine. Try it with children and see the result. You frown at them and they want to keep away from you, but smiles win their confidence. It is same with adults, indeed everyone. If you want people to like you, begin with sowing smiles. Smile at everyone, all the time. Before you know it, people will gravitate towards you. You win people’s confidence and you even get healthier too. Science has proven that it takes a lot less facial muscle to smile than to frown. People who smile a lot don’t get facial wrinkles fast. You get to enjoy life more and you are fulfilled. It obviously has all the advantages and no minuses I can think of right now.
An average man knows what he wants. He has a picture of who his wife should be. He knows a good product when he sees one. However, women have failed to realize that men’s idea of girlfriend differs from a wife. Let me explain. When a man is not ready to settle down, he is playing around, he goes for practically anything. He is not too bothered about many things she is or is not. He tells himself she is not the real thing. She is just serving a purpose right now, whatever that might be. However, when he wants to get married, he begins to get particular about her person, how she dresses, who her friends are, how she looks (shape etc), table manners and her home making skills. We are in the 21st century, but men have not really changed that much in the area of who they think the ideal wife should be. Many women think they can get men through offering their bodies in sex. Wrong approach! Relationships where pre-marital sex was not indulged in have greater chances of survival than the ones in which sex was the bait. If a virgin is a girl/woman that has never had sex with a man, then it goes that men are the ones who break their virginity. These same men see a virgin, especially this day and age, as a symbol of dedication, discipline and character- a marriage material. Women should stop thinking they will please men more by giving them sex when they are not married. He can get it elsewhere, so it’s not a favor. However, he will appreciate you for being disciplined and goal oriented.
I used to know a woman who was looking up to God for a spouse. She met this dashing young man and they got talking. In due course, she knew the man was not so comfortable with her physical shape. She immediately went to work on herself, and within a few weeks, the change was dramatic. They got married soon after that. Not long after that, she went back to her old life style, and back to who she was. I guess she didn’t want to continue to pay the price of keeping him since she already got him. During one of their exchanges on this issue, she told him they were married for good. No room for divorce in christiandom, she said. Well, today, they are divorced even after two children and trying to make it work for five years. Sad.
So, is it true that men don’t want to get married these days? I do not think so. The problem is that they are beginning to see it as a situation they don’t have to get into, especially when all they see around them are mostly failed relationships. The ones that are still going on are hanging in there on thin rope. If a man is sure he is not getting into trouble by getting married, I’m sure he will want to go into it. Our society is not helping matters by encouraging single parenting, which has become the norm. Some are even proud of it. They claim to be “proud parent” without a husband. They get welfare benefits for raising these kids, tax deductions and so on. It is like everyone is becoming single parent, so why can’t I? Do we still need to look for reasons why we have all the problems our society is facing today?
The good news is things can still turn around if we begin to cultivate more positive relationships leading to happier homes. It starts with me, it begins with you.