I’ve got every edition of Star wars ever released however I don’t see myself as a geek, more like a cool nerd, the type that can pull out fast one liners at the drop of a hat and has a witty retort to any insult you throw my way. Women would describe me as reasonably good looking. I averaged about 8/10 in the school polls I conducted with females, naturally at gun or knife point. Just kidding about the reference to assault, ladies. I make an average income which means I earn enough to pay the bills but not enough to fly away every weekend. Not yet anyway. My successful book which I have been writing in my head for decades will help me get there. If that doesn’t work then my clever invention will do that. Then there is always my successful business which I’m waiting to start up at the right time if the first two don’t work out.
I have been with my girlfriend Samantha for 4 years, 3 months, 9 days and 8 hours. I met Samantha Johnson in rather unusual circumstances (more of which later) and we immediately hit it off. Moved in together after 8 months, 14 days and 9 hours. Got engaged after 2 years 17 days and 18 hours and are due to get married in 4 weeks, 5 days and 16 hours. I love her unconditionally and am slightly petrified of her but I figured every man has to compromise. All men in long term relationships know that compromise is the bargaining tool that’ll allow you to get your once a week sex fix, 3 weeks a month.
Believe you me you will hear a LOT more about us as you continue following me on my journey but first I’d like to take you through this very important day of making sure that the red carpet is out for the return of the almighty. An hour has passed and it is time to put on the heavily sprayed outfit. On the way to the airport the car will naturally pass through a carwash where I will be ripped off. Totally my fault as I prefer to go to one on the way to there. If I go to my local I’ll be caught in traffic and might sweat profusely eliminating the sweet lingering smell, which is the bait to reel in my catch. Out the door I go. Mark Mutton is going to go get his lady.
I’ve negotiated the car wash and even bought a new air freshener for the car (Samantha loves surprises). I’m scoring big in my quest to give her the passionate reunion that I’m sure will make her never leave my side again for as long as a week. This time round she has left to see to some wedding planning stuff which I have no interest in. While she claims never to mind I’m pretty sure she’d rather have me there but I just can’t get myself to get enthusiastic about fucking flowers!
I’ve now arrived at the airport and the car is parked. I’ve bought some flowers to show Samantha that I care about these plant things if they’re for her. Nice touch and still scoring high on the points stake. She’ll be running into my arms in approximately 15 minutes, wrapping her legs round me and screaming like an infant, giving me a preview of what’s to come later. My mind is running away and I’m now praying that I don’t ejaculate too quickly when we get through the doors. Damn it I forgot to masturbate earlier in the day to prolong tonight’s naked wrestling match. FUCK!
I’m waiting at the airport terminal. My heart is racing with excitement as it has been a whole week since I have last seen Samantha. Oh I can’t wait to see her and hold her in my arms. I am also nursing a rather substantial erection (or so my ego tells me), which I can’t wait to show her. Oh the excitement. There are many reasons that I enjoy being inside this girl. She moans uncontrollably when I’m inside her. She makes me feel like a king. Every time we have done it, without fail I have made her climax in several octaves!
Finally the moment is here, she arrives and it’s not quite like I’ve built it up in my head. No running start for the hug, no lingering kiss, more like a polite peck on the mouth. “Hmmm maybe it’s jet lag.†Flowers get a slight acknowledgement. Again no panic from me. “She didn’t kiss me properly because she was conscious of her breath, that must be itâ€. These various thoughts race through my head. “Maybe the lingering perfume smell will soothe her senses before we go inside†We get in the car and she opens the fucking car window! During all of this we’ve hardly spoken. We finally make it home, she heads for the toilet “maybe she’s going to brush her teethâ€. She emerges ten minutes later and blurts it out: “I can’t go through with the weddingâ€...It’s like a stake through my heart.
After hearing this shocking announcement my response is, “But we were supposed to get married in 4 weeks 5 days and 14 hoursâ€. She retorts “It’s not me, it’s youâ€. While she says this I fail to notice the hanging snot drop that has made it’s way onto the middle of my jumper, until she glances at it. She goes on to tell me how incompatible we are and how this should come as no surprise to me seeing as there have been many occurrences that have led to this moment. Our entire relationships history flashes before my eyes and this is where our story really begins. In that short time I have gone through various scenarios - and fuck me, there have been lots. First, a little about me and how I came to be the manboy that I am today.
Author Bio:
Munir Bello was born in Nigeria and moved to England at the age of 10. He went to school in Sussex and then University in Essex. He currently lives alone in Maida Vale, London. His first book is called, "The Break Up Recipe" which has become an underground success and is continuously growing. He has plans to write further books on a variety of subjects.
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