Love is by no means easy. Think of what Jesus did on the cross. He had no business hanging on the cross, but He loved us, so He had to pay the price for offenses He did not commit. Love is sacrificial. Back to those love attributes. I just love the King James Version. We were weaned on it. For those who are unfamiliar with the Authorized King James Version, Charity means love. Please substitute accordingly. I Cor. 13:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
What can I say? A man who loves his wife the way Christ love His church does not see any big deal in making her life easier. He knows it is a requirement and he is happy to make her happy. When your wife is happy, you are happy too. Take it or leave it, God made the woman to be an influence on the man. It is up to the man to make sure her influence on him is positive. I am not a theologian, and I don’t know what “faith” is called in Greek, but I can at least read the bible. In the creation account in Genesis, I know Adam was made before Eve. The bible did not state for how long Adam had been alone in the Garden before God decided to make a helper for him, and by extension, it is possible that for that long Satan had been trying to get him to eat the forbidden fruit without success. Then he went through his wife and got the job done. Why was Eve able to get Adam to do what Satan couldn’t? The closest person to the president today remains his wife. No security cordon can separate them.
I see this influence as divine, and any wise man would tap into it to advantage. A wise woman would also know that men are merely big boys despite their husky voices. She only needs to know how and he would do whatever she wants. A preacher one day asked all the men in the congregation to stand up. He asked those who do what their wives say to come to one side. Everyone went there except one person. After the service, they wanted to know how he is able not to do what his wife says. He said, “I only stood there because my wife asked me to!” It takes some wisdom and your man will do anything for you. By nature, women are more loving and caring than men and they have this “instinct” for many things. God said He would create a help meet for man. It is not just in cooking and house chores. Your wife is supposed to complement you. She is your personal, priceless, invaluable, God-given resource. It is up to you to let her fulfill that role. She can only do that if you love her and show it.
Ahab, a king in the bible had a problem with another person’s property that he wanted. He didn’t know how to go about it until his wife came to the rescue and got the job done. Now, that is an example of a negative influence. A man came home one day with this problem he had battled with all day at work. He had no appetite for food because the thing was still on his mind. The wife was concerned and wanted to know what the problem was. Ordinarily, he would have thought, what do you know about my workplace and its workings? But because he loved her, he explained the problem to her. In one statement, she proffered the solution to the problem and the man wondered why he hadn’t thought of that all day! That is the way women are wired. They have this knack for problem solving in a way that is different from men. Their tenacity is commendable. If a woman believes in a cause, it takes a lot to dissuade her. And when she wants that dress too, God help you if she doesn’t get it. That is what makes them such good companions. The way to get the best out of them is to love them, and really that is all they ask for.
A woman can defy the entire world for the sake of a man she loves. Parents can disown her, the society may ostracize her, but she doesn’t care for as long as he still loves her. Love and faithfulness has such deep and different meanings to them. When a man says I love you, often times he is thinking physically. When a woman says it, it is almost spiritual. It has such deep meanings to them. This is why the bible says it is in the interest of a man to love his wife, because he is in the process loving himself. He is only doing himself a favor. When a man loves his wife and they work together, they become an unbeatable team. Satan doesn’t want families like that and he works so hard to create confusion and problems. But the bible said to watch and pray. Be vigilant.
Submissiveness in a marital relationship does not mean the woman has no voice. Actually, a man who loves his wife would always seek her opinion in everything, and I mean everything. If there is love and you do this always, you will see how rewarding it is when decisions at home are jointly reached. I love the way a man of God put it. He said in his family, they operate a democracy. Three people vote there: himself, the wife and God. However, he has the mandate to cast God’s vote for Him. A lot of men have interpreted submissiveness to imply the woman has no voice. Even God allowed Adam and Eve to state their cases before He sentenced them.
This is the reason I gave the solution to marital problems under those two words, Submission and Love. We now see that if the woman is truly submissive and the husband genuinely loves, there would be far less problems. Whatever problem arises would be dealt with under those provisions of submission and love. But then, that is the challenge we face. Sometimes, problems remain not for lack of knowing what to do, but actually doing them. The key is in the doing. Most times, it is not easy to do the right thing, but the right thing is waiting to be done with results guaranteed. The prayer now is that God will help us to know the right things and actually do them. If one partner is failing in their responsibility, the other should not use that as an excuse for failing too. Through persistence in one’s responsibilities, the other can come to realize their failing and actually do something about it.
Ten thousand wrongs don’t make a right. It takes a lot but like I always say, God is alive. He also wants our relationships to work, but he doesn’t spoon-feed us. There are good lessons to be learnt from those moments when it appeared like the world is coming down. Quarrels are not such bad things for relationships because, properly managed and resolved, tighter bonding results. God’s rich blessings. Amen.
